ICF-certified life/dating/relationship coach, author.

Treva Brandon Scharf is an ICF-certified life/dating/relationship coach, author.

Stop Waiting For People To Love You

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the things we do for love. The knots we twist ourselves into, the hoops we jump through. In the pursuit of love (affection, acceptance, and approval too), we compromise our standards and abandon our identity. We work too hard, wait too long, and people-please the hell out of […]

Keeping Love Alive In The Time Of Coronavirus

If there was ever a time to rethink how we love and live, it’s now. The coronavirus has changed life as we know it: how we live, function, do business, socialize, and date. But all is not bleak. Life will go on, and hopefully with more awareness and mindfulness. In the time of coronavirus, I […]

We Need To Have A Talk About Having “The Talk”

Picture this scenario: You’ve been in a relationship for a few months, and things are going well. There’s intimacy and possible signs of real commitment. There’s potential here, but you’re purposely keeping it light and letting things unfold. You see a future with this BF/GF, so you’re making sure not to pressure or get ahead […]

You’re Not Truly Compatible Unless You Have This

Before I got married for the first time at 51, I thought I knew what true compatibility was: connecting on a mind, body, and soul level. If we connected on enough levels, we were compatible. Compatibility meant we had potential, possibility, maybe even a real shot at love. Everyone has their own definition of compatibility, […]

Romance Is Dying, Here’s How To Save It

Sorry, technology, I love you, but you’re ruining romance. You’re killing it. Sucking the life out of it. You’re the death knell of courtship—a soon-to-be lost art if someone doesn’t do something about it. On one hand, technology has been a shot in the arm to dating, helping people find love when they previously couldn’t […]

Admit It, You Suck At Relationships

It’s OK, you can admit it. You suck at relationships. You’re great getting into them, pretty decent getting out of them, but you suck at staying in them. You’re not alone. I used to suck at relationships, too. Most times, it was me. Sometimes it was them. I’d get restless, lose interest, or subconsciously pick […]

Surviving Breakup Hell

Your world is shattered, your guts are wrenched, your soul is crushed, your ego blown, and your heart is broken into a million pieces. Welcome to Breakup Hell, the absolute worst place on earth. Before I got married for the first time at 50, I must’ve visited Breakup Hell a thousand times, and every time […]

5 Ways To Know If Mr. Right Has The Right Stuff

Many years ago, my good friend Kathie Gordon gave me this needlepoint pillow for my birthday. It was in the 90’s, and I was in my late-30s. For the single girl who had everything, it was a perfect gift. At the time I thought finding Mr. Right was right around the corner, and to be […]

Same Footsteps, Different Paths

She was in her early 20s, just off the boat from Scotland; he was in his early 30s, newly transplanted from Brooklyn when they met and married in the 50’s. Robby and I will be well into our 50s when we walk down the aisle for the first time. They had a half a handful of […]