ICF-certified life/dating/relationship coach, author.

Treva Brandon Scharf is an ICF-certified life/dating/relationship coach, author.

Stop Waiting For People To Love You

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the things we do for love. The knots we twist ourselves into, the hoops we jump through. In the pursuit of love (affection, acceptance, and approval too), we compromise our standards and abandon our identity. We work too hard, wait too long, and people-please the hell out of […]

Let The One That Got Away Get Away

We’ve all had that one that got away. It’s the boyfriend you dumped, the girlfriend that didn’t last, the relationship that didn’t work out, the marriage that didn’t make it. The one that got away may either be long gone, or still hanging around– if just in your mind. They have you reliving old memories, […]

Remember Flirting?

Remember flirting? You know, that thing you did when you were interested in or attracted to someone? You walked up to them, said hi, made small talk, shared a laugh, felt a vibe? Yeah, those days are gone. COVID might’ve been the last nail in the flirting coffin. It might’ve officially killed it off, but […]

Put Yourself On Your Own Damn Pedestal

There was a time in my life when love was so elusive, when committed relationships felt so unobtainable, and marriage so out of reach, it had me convinced I wasn’t good enough, and that everyone was too good for me. I was in my late 40s, still single, and on a horrible losing streak. Nonstarters […]

10 Life & Love Lessons from Me and Navy SEAL Admiral McRaven

I bet you didn’t know (and I’m sure he doesn’t know either) but Navy SEAL Admiral William H. McRaven is an accidental dating and relationship expert. When he offered his 10 life lessons in a commencement speech to the University of Texas at Austin, he wasn’t exactly talking about LOVE, but he could’ve been. In urging […]

Falling In Love Is Scary AF

Falling in love is a death-defying act. You’re head-over-heels, topsy-turvy, with zero gravity, zero certainty, and no way of knowing which way is up. When you fall in love, you have no control, no grip, no balance. You’re vulnerable, powerless, dizzy, exposed. You don’t know how you’ll land, where you’ll land, or if you’ll land […]

Dating Post-50: You Just Might Get What You Need

So what does a single man in midlife looking for love really want? A lot less than you’d think. A few weeks ago I read an article about a widow in her 50s named Kerry McAvoy, who had just entered the online dating world after 30 years of marriage. What she found shocked her, but it […]

Single In A Pandemic? You’ve Got Options

How’s your dating life going since the pandemic? Non-existent or “what pandemic?” Has it ground to a halt or going gangbusters? Have you gone into hibernation or gone wild? Or, have you realized you just don’t give a shit and deleted all your dating apps? There’s no bad answer here. It’s a weird time to […]

Post-COVID Dating: The People You Still Need To Avoid

There’s going to come a time when life gets back to normal, and normal dating will resume. Other than still practicing some social distancing and washing your hands every five seconds, chances are, you’ll still be the same person you were before the pandemic, and so will the people you’ll be dating. Except you might […]

Keeping Love Alive In The Time Of Coronavirus

If there was ever a time to rethink how we love and live, it’s now. The coronavirus has changed life as we know it: how we live, function, do business, socialize, and date. But all is not bleak. Life will go on, and hopefully with more awareness and mindfulness. In the time of coronavirus, I […]