Self-Improving Your Chances At Love

“I am the most important mover of my chances in life.”

I don’t know where I found this saying–probably in a self-improvement or personal growth blog—all I know is that it resonated so much with me, I highlighted the text, enlarged the font, printed it out, cut it into a strip, placed it on my desk next to my computer, and have been looking at it ever since for the last two years.

This little piece of self-improvement kept me going when I wanted to quit; it pushed me to work harder when I got complacent; and it reminds me on a daily basis that my future is mine, and only I can make it happen. It’s a pep talk every time I look at it.

You can apply it to everything in life: career, family, success, money, etc., but it also applies to LOVE—finding it, knowing it, and keeping it.

You are the most important mover of your chances to have all three.

Self-improvement isn’t sexy, or especially romantic. But if you want love, if you want to be a better dater, attract better people, have better relationships, you must first become a better you.

Here’s how:

Take Responsibility

Everything starts with you: your emotions, choices, actions, and behavior. You have total control when it comes to managing YOU. Stop blaming others for your unhappiness, and stop making excuses for your singleness. If you’re unsatisfied with your looks, your weight, the quality of your relationships, etc., take ownership and be accountable. Take charge and be the boss of you.

Stop Complaining

Everyone’s got problems, no one’s life is perfect. You may have legitimate grievances, but you worsen them by complaining. Hearing yourself bitch and moan (or posting it on social media) not only gives your misery power, it feeds into your self-loathing. Moreover, it turns people off. No one likes negativity. Like I said, we’ve all got our shit, but we deal with it. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Envision The Best Version Of Yourself, Then Keep It In Your Mind’s Eye

Whether it’s a slimmer, smarter, fitter, happier, healthier, more successful you, see a picture of yourself as that, and refer to it often. Commit it to memory. When it comes to your potential, dream big, aim high, drill it into your head, and convince your self-doubting psyche that anything’s possible. Don’t take “no” for an answer, especially from yourself.

Have The Courage To Change

Recognizing what needs to change takes honesty, making changes takes guts. If you find the courage to do both, the rewards will more than pay off. Face your fears, put in the effort, push yourself a little everyday, and fight against procrastination with everything you’ve got. “Do hard things,” as artist/blogger John P. Weiss says. It will force you to grow, it will build your confidence, and help you become more resilient.

Stop Wasting Your Time With Losers, Or Loser Situations

Get rid of toxic people, unhealthy friendships, and dead-end relationships. Draw boundaries, don’t engage in drama, and remove yourself from situations that cause chaos and bring you grief. Real love and true friends should always make you feel valued. If a person or situation doesn’t inspire you, bring you joy, empower you, or lift you up in some way, dump them.

Fall In Love With The Process

As personal growth blogger Reece Robertson says. All rewards are found in the process, not the results. Results are important, but the process is EVERYTHING.

Your goals really shouldn’t be about dating more, or being in a relationship, or getting married. Your goals should be about developing yourself.

How you get there, and how it changes you in the process, IS the goal.

In the process of finding love, something amazing will happen: you will find yourself. You will find that you’ve grown, evolved, gotten stronger, smarter, and more loveable. You will find that you’ve gained more self-respect and dignity. In improving your chances at love, you will have actually improved yourself.

You are the most important mover of your chances to have just about everything, so get moving.

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