Marriage And Midlife: A First For Us Both


Robby and me at Rite Aid, our new favorite date place.

Getting married for the first time at this age is a little weird.

When most people our age are looking at colleges with their kids, we’re looking at wedding venues.

When most of our peers are preparing to be empty nesters, we’re preparing to co-habitat for the first time.

While most folks in their 50s are dealing with the trials and tribulations of having teenagers, we’re dealing with the hardships of aging parents and in-laws.

Friends like Sharon Hodor Greenthal, also in her 50s, writes a blog called Empty House, Full Mind She talks about getting older with someone she’s been married to for 26 years.  The good news is that Robby and I are getting to know each other AND get older at the same time.

Everyone’s life may look different, but we all have one thing in common: we’re all middle aged. And that’s weird too. When you’ve been single for as long as Robby and I, it’s easy to forget about age. You’re too busy working and living and dating and moving at warp speed to notice.

Then one day you stop, and it hits you.

Your hair is a little thinner, your middle is a little thicker; what was tight is a little looser; what was firm is a little softer. Your teenage hormones have lost their rage, and your college six-pack has become a keg. You hit fifty and your body morphs right before your eyes. Oh, and your eyes go too. I can’t see shit anymore. But maybe that’s a good thing – at least now I won’t be able to see all the new wrinkles forming on my face.

There are more aches and pains. You either have high cholesterol or low T. You may play as hard and run as fast, but you pay for it the next day. You learn to love Aleve, and ice packs become your new best friends.  Your memory isn’t what it used to be either.  I’d go into more detail on this, but I just forgot what I was going to say.

Getting married at this age is sometimes tough. Like, when I’m the dressing room at a bridal salon surrounded by girls half my age. They’re young, perky, and I’m as old as the hills. I look at them and think, you have your whole life ahead of you, and I’ve already lived half of mine. You’re probably going to get pregnant in a few months, and I’m five minutes away from menopause.

These young brides and I may be walking down the same aisle, but our route couldn’t be more different. They found the man of their dreams in their 20s, I found mine at 50. They partnered early, I bonded later. They have youthful exuberance, but I have confidence that can only come with age.

When it comes to finding love though, isn’t age just a number?

There’s something weird about getting married for the first time at midlife – weird, but wonderful. And Robby and I are embracing age– and each other– with the kind of open arms that can still hit the hell out of a tennis ball and lift me over a threshold. Yes, we may be a little creaky and kvetchy, but that’s okay because we’re in this together. We have a long life ahead of us, filled with romance, adventure, and visits to RiteAid to get our Lipitor prescription filled, and a scoop of ice cream too while we’re at it.

12 replies


  1. David Kramer
    David Kramer says:

    Treva, Old Girl:

    In an era when we communicate 140 characters at a time, your ability to pen at length is a delight…well written, humorous, nicely edited, great pace. Quite wonderful (Old girl? Heh, heh), with just enough self-derogation to offset your youthfulness…and beauty.


  2. Ellen Ginsburg Sugerman
    Ellen Ginsburg Sugerman says:


    I have just “binge read” all of your posts to-date. I am so happy for you and Robby. You are a beautiful writer, blessed with the gifts of wit and wisdom and the ability to express your insights so articulately, and I look forward to following you on this journey. I wish all the best to you, the sweet girl I have known since kindergarten, and a life of love, health and happiness to you and your hubby-to-be!


    • trevabme
      trevabme says:

      Coming from someone I’ve known almost 50 years, your words were especially touching and meaningful. Me and the hubby-to-be thank you so much for being such a supportive friend and new fan!

  3. Kathy
    Kathy says:

    This is a treat to read, my lovely neighbor. I think you’ve found your niche in writing this blog along with finding the wonderful Robbie. I’ll miss you but we’re not over….

  4. Gingerlily
    Gingerlily says:

    Beautiful couple you both are ! thank you for this website. I just turned 50 myself which seems weird all in of itself. I have dated all types of men who were not right for me and I want to get married now and settle down. I feel its not too late for me but in today’s society makes older women in particular feel that you are not worthy if you missed your mark early in life to get married. Or married couples tend to avoid you in less obvious ways or treat you like an odd ball if you are 50 years old and never had children or never married or looking to get married so this website is proof that there are many out there in midlife who never married young but are hidden in society due to shame, embarrassment to come out of the closet (SINGLE , 50 NEVER MARRIED ) as if we are dark spirits without hope. You are very positive and inspiring and appreciate you healing my hurting heart from a society who does not care by there suspicious and condescending looks at me and avoidance of my presence as if some thing terrible is going to rub off of me to those married.And the wrong men who came along in life to show you what you don’t want. There is always a lesson to be learned. I would rather get married in my 50’s rather than have married young, had several kids, divorced and back to being a single parent for the majority who thought they knew what they wanted earlier on in life and end up right where I stand at the finish line waiting for another chance for mr right but wiser to know when I meet him, fully prepared with wisdom and experience to prepare for the right reasons to get married.

    • Treva Brandon Scharf
      Treva Brandon Scharf says:

      First of all Gingerlily, anyone who makes you feel embarrassed about not being married or not having kids is NOT your friend. Get with people who can accept you as you are without judgment. Secondly, you need to find things you’ve accomplished in life and feel PROUD, not shame about what’s missing. As for being a woman over 50? There’s a lot of gifts you have that younger women don’t. Embrace it, own it, work it!


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